What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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