So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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