Your face is a jimmy john
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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