I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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