Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize