i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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