I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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