He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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