Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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