can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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