Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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