Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize