I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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