forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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