Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize