you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize