i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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