It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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