we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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