Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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