Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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