I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize