he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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