FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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