He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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