DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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