i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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