My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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