My liver just broke up with me...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm like, not good at living.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize