"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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