Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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