So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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