I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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