Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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