How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
tell me about the fingering
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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