meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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