Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize