I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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