i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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