Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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