Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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