hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i will never coherently bang her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize