Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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