It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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