Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize