His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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