Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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