Do you still have your period?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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