you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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