1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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